Battle of the Bands

This is one of those events where each department got to act out a song and generally look like an arse in front of the guests. James and I did not escape this of course...he decided we were going to act out the 1986 Borg vs McEnroe Wimbledon final along to the tune of 'my way' by Frank Sinatra. Yes...it WAS as crap as it sounds. It was pretty dire but my rehersal involved a few sambucas and sorting out a questionnable coiff complete with headband and puffy Mcenroe hair. So half way thru the tune the music stops...James stands there like a lemon so I rallied the crowd and started shouting 'who wants McEnroe to win'?!?! OF COURSE i got more crowd interest as James was busy being a prat. Needless to say we came last and James walked off in a sulk!

Fun!

So far Ive managed to take advantage of the perks of working here, the highlight being wakeboarding! I had no clue what it was before I did it but it was pretty cool! I managed to stand up and everything except it was really easy cos I was on the 'bar' instead of the rope which is for beginner retards like myself. Sorry for those who dont really get what Im on about, its difficult to explain I wont lie!

The 'town'

Once again, this is crap. Moriani Plage is certainly not where its at. The only nightlife is a place called 'sunlight' where you will be confronted by a load of french youths who will tell you that you are 'tres mignon', thats cute, for those who are not so familiar with the language of love. Saying that, its does seem to have everything you would need including a 'casino' supermarche, and despite the fact we are right in the sticks we are next to the best pizzeria ever! Moriani is however a good 20 minute walk away. Nightmare!

The hotel

Not much I can say really..its a right crap hole. I feel sorry for all the people who pay thousands for a mark warner holiday cos the hotel is derelict...the 'chalets' are probably better! Plus they still have to pay for loads of stuff like wakeboarding and waterskiing and tennis of course. Rubbish!

'Students'

Here is the section where I'll be mentioning a few of the guests that Ive taught and the amusement they have provided me with! The family that took me to dinner were from the 2 kids that I taught, Fergus and Caitlin, 2 really sweet young ones who played really well. I went for a meal with them (guests can invite staff to dine with them) and I partook in the Rose Challenge as divised by the staff. The basic rules are that throughout the meal you have to drink 2 bottles of Rose, as the alcohol is free there! It is an absolute treat getting to eat some decent food and even have a bit of booze! I didnt manage 2, but I did manage the best half of bottle. Julie and Steph were a mother daughter combo who were SO much fun! Im not joking, Julie was a single mum and decided to get private lessons for her and her daughter, they were the best laugh ever. All we did was gossip and bitch about James (they said he wasnt cute enough to deserve charging more for his lessons!) and do a minimal amount of tennis. This is where I got the tip and I would have even had my taste of yet another guest dinner but I had to work...boo james is working me like a slave! Then here comes the best.....Simon. A greying, short, fat, 46yr old divorcee there with his son (who never took his hat off) and daughter (who was 'sweet' on one of the other kids!). It seemed fun at first but this invidual particuarly liked the art of inuendo. I would ask him to do things that I couldnt possibly see turning into an inuendo but then BAM! Like a smack in the face there it was. When he decided to flirt his way thru his final lesson in front of James' group lesson I was not impressed! He did say I was a good coach tho so Im happy....even if it came at a price! Bring on the next week for more banter!

Tennis tennis tennis

Im not going to lie...the work is a lot harder than I was expecting. Last week I had to do roughly 2 hours of group coaching in the morning and then 4 hours straight of private lessons in the afternoon usually followed by an exhibition match or one of James' brain childs...'object tennis'...where we play the guests at doubles but we have to use objects like frying pans. He was annoyed I didnt pick it up like a duck to water. GOOD! I know those hours dont sound that bad but it is absolutely roasting, I start to sweat just bringing out the ball hoppers for every lesson and the thought of even picking up balls is ridiculous. Thankfully I can waste time in lessons by going for about 20 million drinks breaks! Ha ha! Plus I have to do loads of other stuff..like admin and regripping racquets and restringing and possibly the craziest idea yet...Maitre D. I havent done it yet but on Tuesdays I get to show people to their tables in the restaurant and do the chit chat stuff and tell them about events.

James

James, aka, 'tennis', aka, 'keeno' aka, &*&(^(%$"£"%$£%$^%^&(*)^)*^&$%"£"£^&^(*(^()&%^£! ......aka my manager.
In the tennis department there are just 2 of us...me and James, the tennis manager. He is the embodiment of everything I hate in a bloke....he cant even redeem himself with the fact he's a tennis player cos he is the keenest tennis player I've ever seen who thinks he is the best player since sliced bread, has no time for womens tennis because it 'doesnt interest him' (queer), and frequently asks me questions about what string tension I like. In a word...dumbass. In fact that doesnt even do him justice, but as my parents are reading this I cant quite explain just how much he annoys me, but you get the hint. I think the problem is that so far I havent put a foot wrong to be honest. Every week so far I have outsold him on my private lessons which he clearly hates, I had 3 people mention me personally as improving their stay at the hotel in their feedback form (pretty good apparently), I was taken to dinner by one family, and the best of the best....I got tipped 25 EUROS! Thankfully no one else really thinks much of him and I seem to be getting on well with everyone. Oh I must mention that he actually has managed to snag a girlfriend in the form of quite a pretty blonde piece who works at the pool. So there is hope for us all apparently!

Living

Essentially Im living in a shed...a fairly fancy shed tho I must say. I share with a girl called Rosie who is head of 'indys'. Indys, as you were probably wondering, are one of the kids groups aged up to 18 and generally cause havoc including the most recent episode where they all got trashed in the local town and came back and one of the hoodlums tried to punch one of the chefs! Good first night! There are 4 rooms in our 'chalet' (fancy name for a shack) so there are 8 staff here. The actual chalets are in this little wooded area about 2 minutes from the hotel and there are loads of us crammed in! Its nice tho to be away from the rest of the hotel and is often the scene of many drunken gatherings making ourselves feel at home with our plastic tables and chairs and nursing a bottle of 2Euro Rose. Nice. Last night (transfer day so an easier day pour moi) we somehow ended up playing musical chairs in the middle of the wood! I managed to be the victor but for some reason the powers be deemed that I had to prove my worth by getting involved in a dance off with the guy that came in 2nd place. As many of my exploits in America usually ended in a dance off, I was in my element and I 'robot'ed my way thru the tetris theme tune impressing staff far and wide.

Anyone for tennis?

Thats right, anyone fancy an overpriced tennis lesson in fancy surroundings from an unquestionably hungover female tennis coach, then look no further than Mark Warner's Corsica resort! Go on, check out the bad boy website and make yourselves jealous! http://www.markwarner.co.uk/summer_holidays/corsica
For all you geographically deprived fools, red marks the spot!