Cayleigh Dancing

Apologies to any Scottish readers of mon blog, I have no idea how to spell Cayleigh. Andy waterfront's parents are out this week (therefore serious Scottish spaz behaviour and proof that Andy is NOT merely a one off). His parents decided to treat us all to a night of Cayleigh dancing down by the beach bar, they had even brought all their cds of kilt shakin tuuunes! Im amazed to say that this particular art form is taught in PE classes in Scotland, beats 'dance' on a cold Monday morning, and it led to much drunken dosey-does and the Scottish contingent strutting their stuff and generally makin us English (and Welsh!) folk feel some proper prejudice! It was ssssssso much fun and the icing on the cake was clearly Andy's Dad turning up in a kilt, and his Mum using a little metal pot to get people's attention! Where's round 2?!?

Workshy

More staff lessons have been given out this week, and this one is worthy of bloggage. It was a lesson for Oscar, the perpetrator of Roz's facial injuries, and general ginger drunk who just manages every time to be a little bit odd. Here's a snap of the stud, complete with pulled up socks and accompanied by a jog to the tennis courts. He actually wasnt a bad player even tho he had put that his standard was 'pro'. I also gave a few of the restaurant laydeez a lesson, as well as a huge group consisting of Nicola and Lauren reception, Angela nanny, Matt aerobics and Vicki restaurant where I ended up losing half the balls over the fence, so slowly and surely every person at the resort will become a budding tennis player. I am being properly treated however, as I was given a gourmet meal cooked for me by Dan, one of the chefs who now has a kick ass serve. As I said earlier, Im doing only 1 hour a day of guest lessons so Ive been doing drinking, windsurfing, mincing, and trying to sort out my Neon Tan (TM) which comes as a result of wearing trainers all day long, when all the other cool kids get to wear flip flops.

What a mess

After yet another guest dinner (what a treat!) I had already consumed a fair amount of wine and I was happily sitting watching Johnny waterfront playing his guitar for the evening entertainments. In a weird twist of fate, one of the strings on his guitar broke (the G string, no lie) so we were forced to create our own amusement. WHY? For some reason I fancied a shot and I was accompanied with this BAD decision by Laura from the restaurant and Rob Nightwatch. It started with a B52 and continued on down the menu until we had completed the whole thing! Few and the brave would engage in such an activity! I'll admit the last shot, a pleasantly and appropriately named 'Flatliner', did ruin my life. I think I spat it out and then ran round the bar in an attempt to find water to get some respite from the burning of the stupid tabasco sauce, and I placed my head under the tap which the bar staff found particularly amusing. Then I think some clever person suggested that it was time to go home, which involved being escorted by Nicola and Jon Bond (waterfront) making brief stops on all fours to regain my composure as I made it back to the chalets. The rest...is a mess. Both Laura and myself were violently sick, which of course with my OCD habit I cleaned up immediately, and woke up pretty much everyone. Err..and I believe Nicola had to wash my hair. Good girl! So to sum up, it was a task that needed to be done, but I will never ever repeat. You proud of your daughter Marge and Pete?

Roz in trouble

Roz (First Aid legend) and myself have made an agreement to be 'on it' every night now until the end. Now, by 'on it', I most certainly mean to be the tipsier side of sober. The first night of our quest of course ended up in the beach bar, and then a drunken walk home ensued. Oscar, a fairly 'special' individual who is generally picked on and has had his eyebrows shaved on the odd occasion for that reason, is a bright spark who thought Roz might appreciate a piggy back for the arduous 2 minute journey back to our chalets. Of course he fell over and of course someone got hurt. Roz was scraped up royally and after a quick check she realised she was a chip short of a full tooth. We're talking front tooth, the poor girl! The next morning I woke up to see an extremely unhappy Roz sitting in reception waiting to hear back from the dentist. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of visiting Corsica...if you want anything done, it won't. It particularly won't if you're English and work for Mark Warner. With Oscar, the woman beater, at her side she made it to the dentist and amazingly she actually got seen to and had a cap put on her front tooth! This NEVER happens in Corsica believe me! In addition to this Oscars proud parents are out visiting at the moment, which is an absolute treat to have a whole family of spaz heads. We even have the added treat that Oscar's ma is a herbal therapist type woman and gave Roz some stuff for her face. The expression says it all, and I would be equally concerned because the label on the jar simply says 'healing cream'. Fair enough.

Kat = Bored

This week I'm bloody slogging my guts out. Thats right, just 1 hour a day. Ridiculous. In an attempt to fill my day I've now mastered Windsurfing (hear that Manny...I actually stayed semi-dry!) and I've started giving out tennis lessons for the staff. First up was Johnny and Laura, the waterfront couple, who in fairness were pretty good. Neither of them had back hands however so I took major pride in giving them one after merely 45 minutes. God Im good. Needless to say my boredom has been replaced with drunkenness...majorly. After Maitre D this week, Nicola (Maitre D pal) entered a pool tournament, where she nearly got past the 1st round, the little pool shark who had clearly spent a little too much time spent in Gravesend pool clubs, complete with waistcoat and slicked back hair! Then we just got nice and tipsy, ending up in Sunlight, once again, with the highlight being seeing Anthony restaurant puking on the floor after he had just done some fairly tactical and innovative dance moves with me. I guess I have that effect on men, nice touch! For some reason there were some Nannys there dressed in Pyjamas. You can imagine it for yourselves but Im sure you rather wouldnt.

Kat sacks off work

Its not that I dont want to work, but this week I have roughly ONE HOUR of work a day. Off Peak season sounds like something I could get along with. I think this calls for the next round, hee hee!

Guest Dinner, overstepping the mark

Guest Dinner, always a treat, lets be honest. A chance to get boozed up essentially. This time was different however, as I was invited by a 21 yr old lad who was here with his 'sister'. I spoke to the restaurant who said he had booked a table just for 2 in the gazeebo (for all the couples!), and I was having kittens. Was this another of Kat's greatest moments that make me want to die but everyone else finds hilarious?!? We turned up and THANK GOD he was there with his sister and some other geezer who had tagged along and it was a table for 4. So to my horror when they asked us if we wanted any wine (which I must stress is FREE) THEY WEREN'T SURE!!!!!!!! This is like, obligitory at guest dinners fro crying out loud. Anyway they gave in and we got a bottle, which I felt like I consumed the whole of, and 2 of them weren't even on the devils juice! Crazy kids. The question still remains if they were just 'bro and sis' as many people had told me they had seen him hand in hand with some one on the beach! Please tell me they had separate beds.

San Lu Ghost Town

We have reached the end of peak season, which means no screaming kids to annoy us, no Indies to keep an eye on (and laugh at them) and NO PEAK SEASON STAFF! As great it is that we've lost the kiddies, we've also had to say goodbye to some of the best staff including Manny, Rosie and Graham. This means I no longer have a room mate, and no one to share my Family Guy addiction (Oh Manny! Gigidy!) We had a good few nights out with the staff in their last week including a trip to Sunlight (Corsican pool club with booze and music, claiming its a 'club') and a last chance for them all to consume as much Pastis as they can until they go back to the land of Sambuca and McDonalds. It was an emotional affair, with Mark Warner being nice enough to give the staff a flight which meant leaving at 5am, with tears a plenty! Its really really odd around here now though which is a shame, but hopefully there is maybe one saving grace, less work means more chance for boozing! Apologies for offensive snaps (Marge and Pete!)

Miss Corsica

We live in the middle of a ghetto with only limping dogs for company and so entertainment can be fairly ropey unless you put in the groundwork! So our 'activities' crew (the work shy folk that mostly stand around the pool all day and push people in), had the fantastic idea of a Miss Corsica contest. As this is San Lucianu, of course something had to be slightly odd about it...3 out of 4 of the contestants were men. We had one male guest who looked like his 'lady friend's wardrobe had thrown up on him, then Anthony, the waitress, who had severe difficulty keeping his legs together resulting in an extremely feminine pose, complete with oranges for boobs, which he had no qualms about shoving in your face with a 'look how hot I am' expression on his face. Then we had Fraser, the restaurant manager who quite clearly had done something like this before, and had a thinner waist than most of the women in the crowd and nice rag or something wrapped around his head...nice touch. It was all in good spirits until Fraser started eyeballing the only female contestant, who fantastically turned out to be a complete psycho and even boasted a David Brent style dance in her repertoire. This is San Lu baby!